One Month.

It's been one month since my last concussion.

After the 3rd or 4th one, I started thinking more. HIGHLY IRONIC, but incredibly true. I thought more about what was really important to me, I started thinking on an entirely different level. I analyze things differently. I process information differently. I appreciate things differently. I live differently. In school, being different is synonymous with being weird. I didn't care. My dad brought me a bunch of pictures from my childhood the other day. Thank God for my sense of humor, because those were some ugly haircuts caught on film. Thank you dad for being a part-time photographer. I secretly love those pictures...because although I definitely looked different than most kids, I never changed. I never stopped being Katie. I never stopped liking the things I thought were cool...minus Pokemon. I stopped liking that in 7th grade. I've read a lot of research on people with ADD/ADHD, and many professionals have mentioned that those with ADD/ADHD are incredibly intuitive. Professionals describe it as a type of "6th sense". I think that's pretty cool.

The effects of multiple concussions are not the same every time. They're exponential. They add on to each other and worsen each time. That's what scares me. Losing my vision, my ability to communicate, my ability to walk...could all be gone with one more blow to the head. That's what I am forced to think about these days. It's life-changing stuff for a natural explorer and risk-taker. There are so many things I will never be able to do again, or things I will never be able to do at all. Here are a few:

- ride a rollercoaster
- cliff jumping
- skydiving or bungee jumping
- sit front row at a concert (unless it was SUPER-CHILL.)
- crowd surfing (totally okay with that)
- real surfing
- see the world on land from above 14,000 ft.
- go off roading/ATV-ing
- go tubing on the lake with my friends
- jump on a trampoline
- play in the NBA. (that dream ended a while ago...but it still stings)
- get a moonbounce for my 23rd birthday
- climb trees or buildings


The list is never ending.


As of late, I keep hearing of things I can't do. Initially, its very difficult to accept the fact that I'll never be able to do some of my favorite activities, or do things I've always wanted to. It's okay. I'm not looking for sympathy or pity. I'm not bitter about anything on that list. The risk of severe brain damage or death is NOT worth it. I'll stick to what's safe...which is hard to do when you're like me. Every thing I do is potentially dangerous. It's okay. I'm learning to think before I act, and thank God that I have great friends who look out for me, and give me grace, support, and patience when I am literally losing my mind.